Confuzzling

     I am happy, I am blessed. Though I am also confused at the same time. See, I think it a combination of being a girl, and having an over anylizing, over thinking brain. I try to stop it, but it never listens to me.
     As I am writing this, I am cleaning my room, re arranging my room, on facebook, and doing a little arts and craft project. None of these things helps organize, or distract my brain. I keep thinking things I have told myself I shouldn't. Contemplating these things too much does not help me accomplish anything. The things I think about are pointless and part of my life.
    Those things that I cannot separate my brain from sprout from being a girl. Though every time in the past when I have thought about it, its always hurt someone else in the end. It worries me that it will happen again. I don't want it to, because I really care about the person that it would effect. If anything went wrong I would never be able to forgive myself.
   So now, I must get back to cleaning. It doesn't help my situation, but at least I can worry and be upset in a clean room, right?

Bracing for the Impact

     If you hit your hand on a hot stove, it hurts right? If you know it would hurt again, why would you do it again? Sometimes I feel like that with my life, and it scares me. I know what is happening as it does. I know that it might come back to be a hot stove if I continue. Though, it's not something I am able to control apparently. I almost have this paranoid effect, because when I am bracing myself for that impact as I am falling towards, I constantly look around for where it will hit from. I even wonder if it will come at all. It is one big mess I tell you. Its a mistake, a mistake that as I get closer to God, I know will be fixed by following his plan instead of just free falling. I still look over my back, I have that habit. Though, I am slowly easing away from doing that, the longer it goes without making that impact with the hot stove.
      So as I find my way, please deal with these blog posts. This post started off as a nervousness release, yet, it turned out to be working my way through the problem, by admitting I should let God take control. I love how those things work. For now, I am still bracing for the impact. Though holding Gods hand helps me stay calm.

Glitter and Gold

I love theater arts. Though I am not a normal drama nerd either. Though as time goes on, and I get smarter, and older I realize how scary Hollywood seems.One, acting is not a solid job for me to start off with.Two, It is hard to find a grounded actor or actress. Stupidity can come easily once we get a taste of easy money and easy love. Yes, I actually dared to bring that up. Sorry, but even if I end up having people following this blog, I am not changing these statement for one bit. I use to dream of becoming famous, but now, not so much.

 I think I am very grounded, and know who I am and where I came from, for my age. Though, I don't know all that does on behind the camera. No matter how much I love to preform, I am going to have to be a lot stronger within myself and my savior before I can ever attempt at Hollywood. High school drama programs are looking a whole lot better, when I turn on that television.

We are living in a world where celebrities are being idolized, and being told they need to jump off a cliff for a TV show, movie, or song that a person disliked.  We are in a world where glitter, and impurity and instant gratification, alcohol and money are seeming to be longed for, over God. Yes, another risky topic that is not brought up much. We are also worried about feelings way to much, but that will be another post. Things that should not can be dangerous, dirty and make life troubling are glorified by avoiding the problem.  Jesus is not getting smaller, we are just turning a blind eye and finding that man made items, and things that mask our daily problems will fix us, cure us and make our personal pain smaller.

Most of us are thinking like this, maybe not you specifically, and not I. But most humans out there are, wither you want to believe it or not. Thinking that because celebrities look like they are having fun, I should do all I can to be like them. Remember, we do not see all that they are going through. A lot of the celebrities don't like the paparazzi, and all that comes with fame. Its essentially empty, and God will make our lives full. Not glitter, and not gold, dancing until we drop will not heal heart aches. Idolize celebrities, and you idolize what you portray them as.Something portrayed is easily changed to influence you negatively. It is fake, and work of deception, more than it is real. Living your life in their shadow can only bring pain in the near, or far future.

If you took anything out of this post, take this. There is a god shaped hole in all our hearts. Only God can fill it himself. Nothing man can provide will to that task. No glitter or gold. Just God.